Have you seen this guy? His name is Mike Rowe and he has a TV series called "Dirty Jobs". He is amazing and fearless. He has proven that he is not afraid to take on any challenge that is put before him. I've seen him clean sewers, snip the tips of pigs tails off when they're born, and even artificially inseminate a cow. From the smelliest to the slimiest, he jumps right in. The premise is that real people send him a challenge to come work with them, doing their "dirty job" for one day. So, I'm thinking of challenging him to take on my dirty job...being the mother of a teenage girl! Now, don't get me wrong, I love my girl with my whole heart, and she much of the time can be one of my best friends. She's smart, funny, sarcastic...(sound familiar??) and I love her more than my own life. What I'm talking about are the heartaches, the challenges, the flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants moments that you feel utterly unprepared for. Even this guy gets an expert to work alongside, giving him all kinds of tips, suggestions, encouragements, making sure he doesn't screw it up or hurt himself. Where oh where is that expert for the parent of a teen?
Now, I don't want to be one of those adults that becomes a "teen basher", I happen to really love teens. But if you genuinely want to raise a responsible, well-balanced, Godly adult, you've just got to put the dirty time in. I refer to this as "being in the trenches" right alongside her. I've witnessed parents of teens simply look the other way when things get tough because honestly it might just be a whole lot easier. Or they over-simplify it all by saying "they're teenagers, they'll grow out of it." I just don't buy that. In this day in age, perhaps in any day in age, I think that is dangerous thinking. There is too much at stake for me to simply "check out" at this pivotal point in her life. Believe me, sometimes its tempting to just look the other way, it certainly would be a lot less stressful. But do I sacrifice her future, her well being for my serenity? Not a fair trade-off by a long shot. I'm one of "those moms". You know, the ones that have to know where you are, who you're with, when you'll be home. I've had the talks, spent many hours of one-on-one time with my teens, and most certainly have prayed, prayed, prayed for them. And you know what? I've learned there are no guarantees. Some people just have to learn life lessons on their own, they must make the mistakes in order to find the strength to do it better next time. As a parent, it is the most gut wrenching experience you can ever imagine, watching your teen, teetering on the brink of adulthood, make such mistakes. You fear that one day, those mistakes may go beyond the normal teen foolishness, and actually affect the path of their lives. I've seen it even in the best of Christian homes. I've seen those weary eyed parents who you know have been awake half the night, not because their infant was teething, but because their teen is out with the car past curfew or hanging with the wrong crowd. I have acquired more gray hair than I'd like to admit in recent years!
But I am DETERMINED to hang in there with this most challenging of beautiful people. Because she's worth it. She's worth the stress that comes from being involved in her life, problems and all. She's worth my resisting to take on a full time job just yet because I know that being here for her after school is just as important now as it was when she was in 3rd grade. She's worth the effort it takes to love on her and build her up, instead of giving into the harsh words that build up and try to push themselves at her in the heat of the moment. I won't do it. I value her heart, her soul, her mind, her future too much to tear her down for her mistakes. Don't get me wrong, there is always discipline, because there is always consequence. But to deal with the action while refusing to tear down the person, that's the balancing act. I think of Christ's example to us. While he clearly told the woman caught in adultery to go & sin no more, he refused to let other's stone her. Even He, He without sin, who would be the only one in attendance who could pick up that stone, refused to tear her down. Have you ever heard a parent speak harshly to their child when you're out in public? It breaks my heart. The child, no matter what the age, looks so humiliated. I know that sometimes we witness the child speaking harshly to the parent, but the operative word is they are the child. As the adult in the situation, I believe it is our job to exercise self-control. I'm pretty sure that Galatians would back that up.
Its hard work, to be sure, but the moment I gave birth to her, I made that commitment to always be there for her, to do all in my power to love & care for her, and to raise her in the most positive, Godly environment I could possibly provide. I know that I have not always succeeded, like her, I make mistakes. But my daughter knows she is loved & valued in her home. I believe it will be the thing that will ultimately bring her out strong on the other side of this tumultuous time in her life. But my strongest hope, is that it will be the best example in her life of the unconditional love of her Father. For her to be completely sold out to the One who died in her place, is the ultimate reward for me as her mother. So, I get my hands dirty; I get involved; I sacrifice every day of my life. She's worth it. I'm certain He feels the same way too. Take that Mike...
Now, I don't want to be one of those adults that becomes a "teen basher", I happen to really love teens. But if you genuinely want to raise a responsible, well-balanced, Godly adult, you've just got to put the dirty time in. I refer to this as "being in the trenches" right alongside her. I've witnessed parents of teens simply look the other way when things get tough because honestly it might just be a whole lot easier. Or they over-simplify it all by saying "they're teenagers, they'll grow out of it." I just don't buy that. In this day in age, perhaps in any day in age, I think that is dangerous thinking. There is too much at stake for me to simply "check out" at this pivotal point in her life. Believe me, sometimes its tempting to just look the other way, it certainly would be a lot less stressful. But do I sacrifice her future, her well being for my serenity? Not a fair trade-off by a long shot. I'm one of "those moms". You know, the ones that have to know where you are, who you're with, when you'll be home. I've had the talks, spent many hours of one-on-one time with my teens, and most certainly have prayed, prayed, prayed for them. And you know what? I've learned there are no guarantees. Some people just have to learn life lessons on their own, they must make the mistakes in order to find the strength to do it better next time. As a parent, it is the most gut wrenching experience you can ever imagine, watching your teen, teetering on the brink of adulthood, make such mistakes. You fear that one day, those mistakes may go beyond the normal teen foolishness, and actually affect the path of their lives. I've seen it even in the best of Christian homes. I've seen those weary eyed parents who you know have been awake half the night, not because their infant was teething, but because their teen is out with the car past curfew or hanging with the wrong crowd. I have acquired more gray hair than I'd like to admit in recent years!
But I am DETERMINED to hang in there with this most challenging of beautiful people. Because she's worth it. She's worth the stress that comes from being involved in her life, problems and all. She's worth my resisting to take on a full time job just yet because I know that being here for her after school is just as important now as it was when she was in 3rd grade. She's worth the effort it takes to love on her and build her up, instead of giving into the harsh words that build up and try to push themselves at her in the heat of the moment. I won't do it. I value her heart, her soul, her mind, her future too much to tear her down for her mistakes. Don't get me wrong, there is always discipline, because there is always consequence. But to deal with the action while refusing to tear down the person, that's the balancing act. I think of Christ's example to us. While he clearly told the woman caught in adultery to go & sin no more, he refused to let other's stone her. Even He, He without sin, who would be the only one in attendance who could pick up that stone, refused to tear her down. Have you ever heard a parent speak harshly to their child when you're out in public? It breaks my heart. The child, no matter what the age, looks so humiliated. I know that sometimes we witness the child speaking harshly to the parent, but the operative word is they are the child. As the adult in the situation, I believe it is our job to exercise self-control. I'm pretty sure that Galatians would back that up.
Its hard work, to be sure, but the moment I gave birth to her, I made that commitment to always be there for her, to do all in my power to love & care for her, and to raise her in the most positive, Godly environment I could possibly provide. I know that I have not always succeeded, like her, I make mistakes. But my daughter knows she is loved & valued in her home. I believe it will be the thing that will ultimately bring her out strong on the other side of this tumultuous time in her life. But my strongest hope, is that it will be the best example in her life of the unconditional love of her Father. For her to be completely sold out to the One who died in her place, is the ultimate reward for me as her mother. So, I get my hands dirty; I get involved; I sacrifice every day of my life. She's worth it. I'm certain He feels the same way too. Take that Mike...
