How He Teaches Me...

I can honestly say that I have learned more about God & how He loves me through my own children, than in any other way. I can often hear Him whisper to me as I correct a stubborn child or when my heart breaks for them. I can so see how He loves us, so unconditionally, as a parent loves their child. I recently had a conversation with someone who had been babysitting a friend's baby. As this child slept in her arms, all she could think of was the awesome potential of this beautiful little girl & what amazing things might be in her future. At this point in their life, the sky's the limit! The potential is endless & you can't even imagine anything in their world that would not be beautiful & perfect. As I listened to my friend, I thought back to the many times that things didn't go the way I had hoped in the life of one of my children. You see them struggle & want so much to jump in & make everything all better, but you know you cannot. They learn through their struggles, through their mistakes. I can only offer loving arms to wrap around them and an ear to listen. You think back to that baby & all their potential, and wonder how you ever got to this place. My children are no different than me. Than any of you. Who of us hasn't struggled? Who of us hasn't fallen, stumbled or made mistakes. I know that it breaks my mother's heart because I only want good things in their lives. But no matter how many mistakes they may make, I in no way love them any less. I can just imagine God standing back watching me fail, sometimes time & time again, and I can imagine His father's heart breaking...for me. But I also know that no matter what, He promises to "never leave me nor forsake me". I know that because of His Son, I don't have to be perfect in order to earn His love for me. My children don't have to earn my love for them either. I love them simply because they are mine, gifts given to me by my Father. Holding them as infants it would never occur to me to think that I would only love them if they didn't screw up! Thankfully, we too have a Father who doesn't stop loving us when we screw up! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will always love me, just as I know I will always love my children. Unearned, unconditional, unending.

The Beauty of the Barter...

Okay, it is totally NOT my style to show many pictures of myself. Today, however, I'm going to show off just a tiny bit. Well, to be honest, I'm not showing off myself as much as the gifted talent of my friend Meredith. While her husband was away bow hunting this weekend, Meredith graciously agreed to cut & color my overgrown mess of hair in her home. I had priced out the salon I've been going to for years and just couldn't afford it since neither my son nor I work there anymore (working there = significant discounts). Meredith is an extremely gifted hair stylist who works in a very lovely, exclusive salon that I also cannot afford. She & I got to talking the other day and came up with an excellent way to bless each other. Here's what she did for me...










Yeah, my friend added some beautiful highlights & cut about 6 inches off my hair! Happy day! It really was driving me crazy. And what does she get out of it you ask? On Thursday of this week, I am going to clean her entire home. Yes, that is my current mode of employment & one that a woman heading into her 3rd trimester seemed all too happy to accept. She thinks she got the better end of the deal. Looking at these pictures, I beg to differ. She has got talent! I just have a love of cleanliness & order. But, if it makes her & Erik happy, then I will have done my job.

Can I tell you that I LOVE the barter system??!! I have always thought that this is the way to go. Especially for those of us who are a little financially challenged. Like Cliff works on my son's car, I cook him & his family a meal or babysit their boy. It all works out in the end, each side usually feeling like they got the better end of the deal. In a perfect world, we could all make use of the barter system, since I'm pretty sure God gave us all gifts, or at least like in my case, abilities, that others can make use of. I guess it could get tricky when you're say a surgeon, a garbage collector or maybe a mime... But, hey, on a personal level, its working pretty well in my world.

And not only did Meredith send me home with stylish new hair, complete with covered up roots, she gave me a 1/2 dozen homemade cookies! She's the best... Thank you Meredith!!! I love you!

(And thank you Cliff!!!)

Good Cop/Bad Cop...

Say you're driving along & you see a cop, maybe tucked behind a tree or in the u-turn lane of the 290, what do you automatically do?? C'mon, you know...you look down at your speedometer, right? I saw a cop car the other day and did that very thing. In that brief moment, I felt annoyed by his presence. It seems to me that all they do all day long is drive around trying to bust innocent speeding drivers going about their business. Sometimes we don't even THINK about how fast we're going until we see a cop.

So, I got to thinking that don't we sometimes view God this way? Like, we just go about our business, at full speed usually, and don't really think much about Him. Until...yeah, until, we need Him or when we mess up. Contrary to some beliefs, God doesn't just sit around waiting for us to screw up so He can wield lightening bolts at us. While we're expected to live our life as free from sin as possible, He knows our human weakness & is full of mercy. He is our Father who loves & cares for us...rescues us when we are in need.

Let us not forget that this same cop who works hard to keep us all in line, also keeps us safe, day in & day out. This same cop may work at getting a drug dealer off the street or pull over the drunk driver before he kills someone, or generally makes our quiet neighborhoods safe. He even puts his own life on the line...each day...for us. Does that sound like someone we know? We may not want to be reminded that we're doing things we shouldn't be doing (aka sinning), but oh how we cry out to God when we're in trouble. We don't like the cop forcing us to slow down, or heaven forbid, have him pull us over...but we sure would be quick to dial up 911 if someone was breaking into our home. Guess we can't have it both ways, can we? We can't call out to God in times of need, but ignore His presence in our lives the rest of the time. That cop is just doing his job, and if we just follow the rules, we'll never feel the pain of his lights flashing in our rear view mirror.

When is the Past....Past?

Have you ever gone through something big, some life-changing event or situation, and found that you never quite moved past it? Even with all the well-meaning advice of those around you encouraging you to "move on", it was always an elusive concept? I've been watching my teenage daughter struggle to "let go" of a relationship for almost a year now. Seems inconceivable to me that a person or situation can have that kind of hold on one's life. But there it is. Stares her in the face every morning. Things remind her, people ask questions, and boom, she's right back where she started. The proverbial two steps forward, one step back. Is she making progress? I guess time will tell. Her youth doesn't make it easier because she doesn't have the gift of hindsight that her more experienced parents have. We know that hearts do heal, eventually. Like a badly skinned knee, it may always show the scar, but it will heal. All she knows is that it hurts...now...and there just doesn't seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I truly believe that her hearts' desire is to be done, to put it all behind her...but human emotion is a powerful thing. Thankfully, she has some amazing friends that have "been there" for her along the way, and I pray that she seeks God for the strength she lacks.

Recently, I had an extended family member question why Norm & I left EHWC. We haven't talked much about this situation with our families because its hard to explain. On the one hand you want to be honest and make your point so they understand it, on the other, you don't want to be one of those people found being vocally critical of a church or its pastor. Doesn't seem quite right to us to vent our pain "out there" for the general public...or even family members. We have the gift of close friends to share our frustrations with along the way when necessary, but for the most part, like our teenage daughter, we're trying to move on. This family member questioned us because apparently someone from the church (nice) filled her in on why she thought we left, you know, the popular opinion of an event, devoid of actual fact. The things shared were surprisingly hurtful. Just when I thought I was over something. Just when I truly believed I had moved on, there it was, staring me in the face. And it made me angry...all over again. Once again, I find myself having to give over my human emotions, hurts, frustrations to my God who loves me. Once again, I have to find it in my heart to forgive & to move on. I know I lack this gift, so I trust God to give me what it takes to forgive...and hopefully, eventually....forget.

My daughter's perspective, which is amazing because she's only 17, is that these are the events in our lives that shape who we are, and what we are to become. Essentially, we find out who we really are through these struggles & that God uses them to point us in the direction He wants us to go. Pretty deep stuff...especially when you're a teenage girl with a broken heart. Or maybe a more mature version in her mother. Its all the same...trust God and His plan. Leave the hurts to Him, let Him teach me how to forgive, keep my eyes on what's ahead. Looking back teaches me, but it sometimes hurts too much. I'm sure she'd agree. For her, she wants to study psychology when she heads to college next year. Makes perfect sense. For me, I'm not as clear. But I trust God to lead me where He wants me to go. I'm excited about the future...and desire with all my heart to leave the past exactly where it belongs...in the past.

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly.....

We just had an awesome weekend in Michigan visiting my brother & his family. One of those whirlwind get-aways that is filled to the max. On Saturday we had decided to check out the University of Michigan campus since both Sam & my nephew Adam are graduating this year and in the mode of college searching. The extra treat for the day were free, yes free, tickets to the U of M vs. Notre Dame football game. It was insane! Students everywhere, thousands of them! The campus itself is gorgeous, rich in tradition with beautiful old buildings covered in ivy...just what you'd imagine a college campus looking like. And, it is ranked one of the top state schools in the country. So, that's the "good".

The "bad" is the unbelievable whooping the U of M football team put on Notre Dame! A crushing 38-0 for the final score. The crowd, numbered at around 110,000, was crazed. The players are most definitely "bad", as was their student cheering section that stood the entire game...chanting, singing & waving their pom-poms in unison.


The "ugly"...well let's just say that I've always heard about frat houses, but other than watching "Animal House", have never witnessed the sight for myself. It was a sight to behold. Droves of students partying everywhere on campus, but most notably on the front lawns, porches, balconies, and yes, roofs of their frat houses. Some even climbing out of 2nd & 3rd story windows. Plenty of alcohol to go around to be sure & stereo speakers the size of compact cars booming in competition to the house next door. I'm disappointed to say that I have no pics of this spectacle, I think I was too much in awe to actually pull out my camera. Some of our group witnessed a girl throwing up into a cardboard box out on the street. I, thankfully, was fortunate enough to have missed this girl's proud moment.

So, this is college. I guess in today's culture you can't have one without the others. As my daughter tells me, you can't avoid it no matter where you go to school, it just comes down to your own personal choice. I pray she's making and will continue to make good ones. I've even had students from Christian colleges tell me about the partying going on there. No campus is immune.....again, its all about personal choice. We've got a lot to pray about. Temptation is a hard thing to battle when you're only 18 years old. You want them to have an awesome college experience, realizing that the cost could be more than just the price of tuition.

All in all....U of M is an amazing place...beauty everywhere & prestigious in its dispensing of education. You take it as it is....the good, the bad & the ugly.

"Me Mode" or "Christ Mode"???

This was sent to me by my good friend Isidore, it was an online devotional. Its also a great modern lesson on an ancient truth. And while the author's name is Dave, I'm pretty sure I could insert my name just as easily. How about yours?

WORKLIFE LESSON: WORKING IN CHRIST

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

My laptop is a Macintosh G3. The G3 is unique in that it can run on two different operating systems. It can run the new improved versions of OS X, but it can also still work in "Classic Mode" for software written for OS 9. My worklife is like my Mac G3; it must decide between two operating systems. This morning I had to think about how I was going to approach my week. According to the Apostle Paul, I can face the day in "Dave" mode or I can choose to work "in Christ."
"In Dave" mode is my default software. Paul called it my "flesh." If I just get up and go, I'm running in Dave. Dave is an old operating system I learned long ago. It feels comfortable. It gets me by.
Unfortunately, Dave is dysfunctional. It has many systems conflicts. It has its own protocols, so it is not very compatible with other computers. It is riddled with viruses that cause all kinds of problems. Dave worries about what others think and that bogs down its processor. Dave gets angry when a problem frustrates its path. Dave tries to run too many programs at once, opening up future issues and attempting to continually reprocess them. When Dave gets overwhelmed it locks up and goes into screen saver mode papering over its problems with a series of daydream scenes of a different imagined present. I don't recommend Dave as a system software. But I know you already have a unique corrupt version of your own.
"In Christ" is a new operating system that I own. In Christ, however, has none of Dave's issues. It is completely de-bugged and virus free. In Christ works because it was designed by my hardware manufacturer. It is what I was wired to run on. It is based on several radical applications.
The first is "Grace." Grace means a scrubbed hard-drive and the promise of unlimited future support. Grace is such a refreshing change from guilt-ridden and resource-strapped Dave.
Grace comes bundled with "Life." Life came to me through a complete inner restoration. It is a completely new processor. Life is what Dave lacked as an isolated unit. Life has spiritual connectivity.
Another is "forgiveness." Forgiveness is a utility that allows me to interface with other infected computers. It intercepts and absolves their faults. Dave could never do that. It always used other's flaws against them. Forgiveness extends to others the grace that it has received.
My favorite application of the "in Christ" office suite is "Adoption." Adoption is my God-given new identity. It is a completely new username and password. It gives me direct access to my designer. It means I can IM him any time I want. It means He IM's me when He's thinking of me. I no longer work alone. I have the ultimate ally with unlimited computing capability. I am eternally connected.
"In Christ" does not have the problems of "in Dave," but it must be manually installed. Sometimes I am just too lazy to go through the boot-up, and I run in Dave even though I know its hazards. So, which will it be today? What system will I choose to operate in?
This morning, as I logged onto my day, I was encouraged by something Paul wrote. Perhaps it will encourage you too:

"And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.

Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging in the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were children of wrath, even as the rest.

But, God being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come he might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we would walk in them." (Eph. 2:1-10 NASB)

Decisions, decisions....

So, its been awhile. I guess I've had a lot on my mind. But not just me, my daughter as well. We're both facing some pretty big decisions, you know, the kind that are life changing. I've promised my ever-patient husband that I would have a regular job by the time school started. He has allowed me the luxury of spending time with my children this summer, especially since Alex was on his way out of our home. Our life has been full & crazy & my ability to focus on them has been an enormous blessing. I've also had the wonderful opportunity to help out some friends who have needed help with moving, various home projects & looking after their small beautiful children. I thank God for allowing this, and I thank Norm for giving me this gift this summer. I also owe much thanks to my friend Phil who saw fit to employ me for various organizational projects in his home/office so I wasn't completely broke all summer...but I can't shake the feeling that he & his wife have blessed me way more than I have blessed them. Thanks to you both. I recently have been offered a new job that, on initial examination, seems like something that I would be holding out for. I'm just not sure its the right thing for me. While I'm grateful that I am being considered for this job, its taking some serious thought & prayer to make sure it will not only suit me, but also my family.

My daughter is going to be a senior this year. If you remember what that's like, the pressure is on to choose a college. At the very least, narrow it down to a reasonable number and start the application process. We did take her to visit Geneseo (picture) & she really liked it. But who knows...its just the beginning. She is debating between living near home or whether to venture out a little further in the world. We're both finding ourselves needing to understand what God has for us. These are those times when you cannot simply trust you're own instincts.


In reading my friend Erik's blog recently, he's asking "What's the point?" As in, what are we really doing with our lives? I realize that every decision hinges on this. His point is beautifully made (please check it out - his link is in my list of friends). I believe that decisions about jobs we should take, schools we should attend, churches we should commit to (or not), homes we should live in, should all be run through the filter of not just what's best for us, but what will help make a difference in the world around us. Its hard...you want to take care of your family, but you also want to care about more than who's inside your own 4 walls. Again, I'm grateful that God has allowed me the time to be a blessing to those friends who have needed some extra hands, but I know that He needs me to do more. And while my daughter needs to choose where to get her education, she also needs to understand where she can make a difference in the lives of others. It's all a balancing act, loving yourself, your family & your neighbors - and praying that our decisions reflect them all. But mostly, for me, its loving the Lord enough to trust Him, and making the best use of the crazy & wonderful life He's given me.

P.S. Your prayers in all this would be greatly appreciated... Thank you.